Life isn't fair, get used to it!

Bill Gates wasn't far from the truth when he spoke the above!

Failures are real and one must learn to live with them!

When Edison was on his way to invent the light bulb he did meet with considerable failure in the beginning to which his apparent retort was: "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."

Expectations are natural and inborn into the human psyche! They may weigh you down, more often than naught they actually do!

But learn to rise above them! For they are actually meant to fire up the hibernating greatness that is embodied within every individual and not result in the contrary!

3 months into my Medical School, my biochemistry professor took me to task for scoring badly in one of the internal tests that was taken; he warned me not to score less than the highest possible in the University exams that year! It seemed far-fetched for a new kid who had just screwed up an internal test!

Eventually, by the end of the year I did manage that, and then not I but he was beaming with pride!

Now, the same situation or something similar must have happened to each one of us! Now what is pertinent is how one takes it! One could easily feel weighed down by the occasion, falter and curse the concerned for expecting too much when the present points to the contrary! Or one could acknowledge the potential that some one else has seen in them and work to realize the same! The results shall speak for themselves but it is the effort that matters!

One of my maternal uncles constantly bitches about my academic performance whatever it might be: good or bad! But once when I had hit rock bottom (by my standards!), his words were: "The result is immaterial, so long as you gave it your best shot!"

Those proved more comforting than any other words that I had heard that day!

Take constructive criticism positively; this approach shall turn your depressive episodes into sparks of creativity and greater enthusiasm.

However, recognize the situation when it gets you really down and confront the one who expects, with your realistic goals and abilities! Although it might let him down, but in the end he will be happy if you reach the goal you set for yourself, (but do try to outdo yourself by just a little bit!)

On another note,

it is inherent nature of parents to expect the world of their kids, more so in the Third World that we live in where success in life is directly proportional to the no. of days it buys you good food (for most, it actually is so!) Try living life through their eyes to understand their psyche and empathize with them. But when things go out of hand as regards to your personal decisions, you have to make a stand and tell them your decision and that you are willing to own up to it and face the consequences as they come, (you may even let your parents know that they conceived you for their sake and not yours!) It shall earn you some respect in their eyes for accepting and speaking the truth! [Although, that's easier said than done!] But, in any case, always respect them!

It is important to realize what you want from life and what you want or see yourself to be!

If you realize that you shall start viewing failures as stepping stones to success instead of potholes of misery! For the fact is, if you are able to achieve the goals that you set for yourself you are a success, no matter what one thinks! (Please don't misconstrue this as a vote for vagrancy!)

I am just highlighting the fact that the standards of defining success are very subjective! You might turn out to be a fantastic lawyer, doctor or a CEO, but at the end of the day, no matter what others might say, if that doesn't bring you the very same levels of peace that a content farmer or a grocer or any other person has, you are not half as successful as them!

I personally would define failure as the instance when the will to work for a goal fades away! Till then, any number of attempts you might take to achieve the same don't make you any less of a person than the one who got it at the first shot!

Believe me (or not) when I say, half of mankind is existing and not living! The cricketers and the media have a phrase for it: "going through the motions". Life has become so mechanical that nobody bothers to reflect! And the ones that do are termed Bohemian and ignored!

And this vexation, this feeling of suffocation builds up over time! And the ones that are too timid to handle it or do not have a good enough support base to fall back on, either end up committing suicide or fill the coffers of new age lifestyle gurus, counselors, (or a genuine psychiatrist if at all!)

So, "coping with failures and realistic assessment of one's abilities and formation of goals based on them" should be an essential talk that every set of human beings should have, whether it be parent-child, teacher-student, between spouses or friends!

How many of us actually do that?

The recent spate of youth suicides in urban India make me shudder at the fact that somewhere down the line this essential communication is being shied away from by both parents and their wards in the name of generation gap or the classic: "it cannot happen to our families!"

It is time people wake up from their complacent states and face the truth!

Escapism is better left to Houdini the great! Suicide is a permanent and incorrect solution to an ephemeral life problem!

Self-respect within limits fosters respect for the sanctity of life per se! So one wouldn't throw away the life nurtured by one's caregivers in a fit of madness! Grooming a positive sense of self-worth allows one to appraise one's potential in a realistic manner and hence take steps to realize the same! This also helps one tide over situations which might otherwise seem hopeless where one would have a tendency to cower into a state of helplessness and vulnerability!

Well, here I go digressing again; for this is the topic of one of my future discussions! So I shall leave it at that!

Epilogue: To those of you who might pass this one off as a tirade of a successful doc; here is some news, I have seen my share of academic hiccups at instances where the world would expect me to come out trumps! Hey, the fact that I got into a medical school was a big hiccup when I was aiming for an Engineering Physics major! And this is just one of the many "ones" anointing my list!

[To this day I still believe that my topping my classes at both High school and Medical school have more to do with others performing under par than my own performance being better than theirs! No offense!]