Life isn't fair, get used to it!

Bill Gates wasn't far from the truth when he spoke the above!

Failures are real and one must learn to live with them!

When Edison was on his way to invent the light bulb he did meet with considerable failure in the beginning to which his apparent retort was: "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."

Expectations are natural and inborn into the human psyche! They may weigh you down, more often than naught they actually do!

But learn to rise above them! For they are actually meant to fire up the hibernating greatness that is embodied within every individual and not result in the contrary!

3 months into my Medical School, my biochemistry professor took me to task for scoring badly in one of the internal tests that was taken; he warned me not to score less than the highest possible in the University exams that year! It seemed far-fetched for a new kid who had just screwed up an internal test!

Eventually, by the end of the year I did manage that, and then not I but he was beaming with pride!

Now, the same situation or something similar must have happened to each one of us! Now what is pertinent is how one takes it! One could easily feel weighed down by the occasion, falter and curse the concerned for expecting too much when the present points to the contrary! Or one could acknowledge the potential that some one else has seen in them and work to realize the same! The results shall speak for themselves but it is the effort that matters!

One of my maternal uncles constantly bitches about my academic performance whatever it might be: good or bad! But once when I had hit rock bottom (by my standards!), his words were: "The result is immaterial, so long as you gave it your best shot!"

Those proved more comforting than any other words that I had heard that day!

Take constructive criticism positively; this approach shall turn your depressive episodes into sparks of creativity and greater enthusiasm.

However, recognize the situation when it gets you really down and confront the one who expects, with your realistic goals and abilities! Although it might let him down, but in the end he will be happy if you reach the goal you set for yourself, (but do try to outdo yourself by just a little bit!)

On another note,

it is inherent nature of parents to expect the world of their kids, more so in the Third World that we live in where success in life is directly proportional to the no. of days it buys you good food (for most, it actually is so!) Try living life through their eyes to understand their psyche and empathize with them. But when things go out of hand as regards to your personal decisions, you have to make a stand and tell them your decision and that you are willing to own up to it and face the consequences as they come, (you may even let your parents know that they conceived you for their sake and not yours!) It shall earn you some respect in their eyes for accepting and speaking the truth! [Although, that's easier said than done!] But, in any case, always respect them!

It is important to realize what you want from life and what you want or see yourself to be!

If you realize that you shall start viewing failures as stepping stones to success instead of potholes of misery! For the fact is, if you are able to achieve the goals that you set for yourself you are a success, no matter what one thinks! (Please don't misconstrue this as a vote for vagrancy!)

I am just highlighting the fact that the standards of defining success are very subjective! You might turn out to be a fantastic lawyer, doctor or a CEO, but at the end of the day, no matter what others might say, if that doesn't bring you the very same levels of peace that a content farmer or a grocer or any other person has, you are not half as successful as them!

I personally would define failure as the instance when the will to work for a goal fades away! Till then, any number of attempts you might take to achieve the same don't make you any less of a person than the one who got it at the first shot!

Believe me (or not) when I say, half of mankind is existing and not living! The cricketers and the media have a phrase for it: "going through the motions". Life has become so mechanical that nobody bothers to reflect! And the ones that do are termed Bohemian and ignored!

And this vexation, this feeling of suffocation builds up over time! And the ones that are too timid to handle it or do not have a good enough support base to fall back on, either end up committing suicide or fill the coffers of new age lifestyle gurus, counselors, (or a genuine psychiatrist if at all!)

So, "coping with failures and realistic assessment of one's abilities and formation of goals based on them" should be an essential talk that every set of human beings should have, whether it be parent-child, teacher-student, between spouses or friends!

How many of us actually do that?

The recent spate of youth suicides in urban India make me shudder at the fact that somewhere down the line this essential communication is being shied away from by both parents and their wards in the name of generation gap or the classic: "it cannot happen to our families!"

It is time people wake up from their complacent states and face the truth!

Escapism is better left to Houdini the great! Suicide is a permanent and incorrect solution to an ephemeral life problem!

Self-respect within limits fosters respect for the sanctity of life per se! So one wouldn't throw away the life nurtured by one's caregivers in a fit of madness! Grooming a positive sense of self-worth allows one to appraise one's potential in a realistic manner and hence take steps to realize the same! This also helps one tide over situations which might otherwise seem hopeless where one would have a tendency to cower into a state of helplessness and vulnerability!

Well, here I go digressing again; for this is the topic of one of my future discussions! So I shall leave it at that!

Epilogue: To those of you who might pass this one off as a tirade of a successful doc; here is some news, I have seen my share of academic hiccups at instances where the world would expect me to come out trumps! Hey, the fact that I got into a medical school was a big hiccup when I was aiming for an Engineering Physics major! And this is just one of the many "ones" anointing my list!

[To this day I still believe that my topping my classes at both High school and Medical school have more to do with others performing under par than my own performance being better than theirs! No offense!]

A modest beginning!

I have been putting aside the task of publishing my website for quite some time! In fact, as each day passed by, I kept putting it off with an idea to refine it and add more content before putting it online! But recurrent procrastination follows a vicious circle, so I decided to put it up bare bones anyway! This way I shall have an impetus to add content and it also gives me a reason to update the site regularly (just because it's there online); which is more than what I can say for this blog of mine!

Well, here is to a new beginning!

Intermezzo!!!

Working on something new to debate on! (Quite, a few topics actually!) So to fill the void, to liven up things, (or more appropriately, to eat up webspace!) here is an interesting anecdote:

This allegedly happened in one of the premier government teaching hospitals in New Delhi!
(Although, I did not witness the same!)

Prologue

Vesico-vaginal fistula or VVF is a distressing condition in females (naturally!) wherein there is an abnormal communication (due to disease, obstetric trauma or congenital) between the urinary tract and the female reproductive tract leading to urinary incontinence or dribbling of urine through these abnormal orifices! The symptomatology depends also on where the communication is; whether it is at the level of the urethra-vagina, bladder-vagina or the ureter-vaginal vault. But the common features in all of them include incontinence, signs and symptoms of skin irritation due to constant wetness, fungal infections, and lastly pruritus at the affected area (intense desire to itch, uncontrollable in some cases)!

However, it does not constitute a medical emergency in most cases, unless a serious co-morbid condition is present! In that case, VVF does not take precedence in the order of treatment anyway! End of story: It is a case for routine work-up and management (surgical) in an elective environment under the care of attendings/consultants and not residents in an emergency setting!

Also, antihistaminic drugs, steroids and emollients, antimicrobials are used in the treatment (or rather, the control) of pruritus in most cases! However it shall persist so long as the offending factor persists (for which the treatment in this case is surgery!)

The Incident
It was sometime in the month of January, when winter was at its peak and it took an extra mug of coffee to keep you awake in the wee hours of the night in the Emergency Room! There was this new OB-GYN resident posted in the OB-GYN Emergency for the whole 24 hours! Given the new surroundings and the eagerness to impress his/her peers, this resident was working his/her ass off throughout the course of the day!

And winter is the season of births: an average 24 hour period in a labor room can see as many as 70 deliveries (and these are the normal uncomplicated ones!) that a sole resident (with his/her juniors to help) has to oversee sometimes! And then there are the complicated cases as well!

Probably he/she expected the same enthusiasm from all residents in all departments. (Pity!)

At around 1.30 a.m., there came a young couple with the lady presenting with the above mentioned condition of VVF. This resident did a complete workup (including "lab-work") of the patient and came to the diagnosis of a VVF with no co-morbid conditions, (the patient had normal renal and liver function tests as well), that necessitated an admission into the emergency, then! And this was communicated to the patient who was further advised to return in the morning in the OPD for consultation with an attending for further surgical management to correct the cause!

She was given the necessary antihistaminics and other drugs (as per protocol) to alleviate her symptoms of pruritus for the time being!

But the OPD queues in govt. hospitals in the national capital are notorious for the enormous number of patients attending and this couple was in no mood to let the opportunity of an admission into the hospital go by!

They went out of the OB-GYN Emergency only to return again within 15 minutes with hue and cry about the patient's condition and the resident's refusal to admit the patient in the emergency! [Though intensely distressing, the patient's condition was not serious and did not merit an admission into an already overcrowded OB-GYN emergency!]

This resident was in a quandary, for he/she was never accustomed to such open hostility in the middle of the night, in a new environment! The result was obvious, the patient was admitted

for the night! Given the benign condition of this patient, and that there were other serious patients to take care of, the resident now paid attention to the others admitted!

Obviously, this patient was offended that she was not being given exclusive attention and she kept calling for the resident again and again! This resident obviously harrowed now, then sent for an in-patient referral for a dermatological consultation by the on-call resident in dermatology!

It was almost 3 a.m.!

Now, there are very few emergencies in dermatology in general on an average night, and you can't fault an average resident in dermatology for taking a snooze in the on-call room at night on such occasions! And this one posted that night was no different!

He/she, however promptly responded to the call in the wee hours of the night and evaluated the patient earnestly, came to the same diagnosis that the OB-GYN resident had! And since the treatment already given had been sufficient, no further treatment was added to the patient's chart! The dermatology resident then left for his/her ward!

But the patient was inconsolable, and the tired resident sent for the dermatology resident again within 20 minutes of his/her departure!

The dermatology resident was not amused this time around! Although he/she said nothing to express the same, but it was obvious! [As I said, dermatology residents are not accustomed to nightly adventures on a regular basis unlike some other branches!]

In a cool and calm manner, he/she came and evaluated the patient again, recorded the findings in the patient's case report; and the following was seen added to the patient's treatment chart as the dermatology resident left:

"In case severe itching persists, scratch the affected area SOS or as required!"

Epilogue: Nothing more was left to be said!

And a third dose of ...... YAWN!!!!

Sorry for the month long sabbatical, but who, other than me, is reading this blog anyway?

And all this time, I found more stuff to add to the discussion I had started the last time around!

Swami Vivekananda, who advocated the harmony of all religions, taught that although the concept of "chosen people" is not ultimately true, it is a stage of growth and evolution that many religions must go through before they reach the higher truth of oneness. Vivekananda explained:

Religions naturally believe in a Personal God who is purely anthropomorphic, who like a great potentate in this world is pleased with some and displeased with others. He is arbitrarily pleased with some people or races and showers blessings upon them. You will find that in almost every religion is the idea: "We are the favorites of God, and only by believing as we do, can you be taken into favor with Him." And, therefore, in the nature of things, religions are bound to fight and quarrel with each other.

Little wonder that he was chastised by the right wing American media for stating the same!

The Dalai Lama once said, when posed with a question as to when shall there be eternal peace, "As long as there is man there can never be eternal peace, but we can strive to achieve moments of peace in this eternal strife, and that should be the goal that mankind should work towards!" (This is not quoted verbatim, but this is the gist of what he said approximately.)

The glorification of war has found various sanctions and justifications in the course of time:

1.Economic: to feed the starving populace of the attacking nation

2.Religious: to spread the "real message" of God amongst "the infidels", to save "brethren of our religion" from the "oppression" of the non-believers, to "free the land that God chose for our people"

3.Social: to liberate and bring about social justice in a supposed tyrannical anarchy!

4.Sovereign: to expand the regal majesty of our head of state!

5.Commerce: to protect the overseas interests of our upcoming industries and trade routes!

6.Power: to project the power that the state wields over the nations far and beyond!

7.Civilization: to populate uncharted territory and civilize the "savage tribals" who would "apparently perish" but for the timely intervention of "the civilized."

8.Global Policing: the age old mantra: "for the greater good" and to maintain "peace."

9.Territorial integrity: to safeguard the nation from invaders and prevent secession!

But for the last reason mentioned, the consequences of war have always been disastrous for any side concerned!

War is not always a question of who is right, but who is left at the end! As Stalin had once said that history shall remember him as a benevolent man for he intended to write it!

Sitting in our living rooms in our cosy homes we can give countless reasons just and unjust for going to war but put yourself in the shoes of the soldier who is risking his life to safeguard our "interests" or for that matter his family or that of the opposing soldiers (I would rather not use the term enemy soldier!) and their families who lose their dear ones at the small flinch of a trigger; or the savage treatment meted out by the shell-shocked, war weary soldiers on the populace of the country they attack!

And yet, the populace would count the number of victories and the defeats in terms of statistics!

Stalin wasn't too far from the truth when he said,"the death of one man is a tragedy, the death of millions is a statistic!"

So numb have we become that there is no outrage at the mindless loss of human life; that war and war-games are now treated as a sport, what with the stupendous media coverage that it receives, the common man can enjoy the ghastly sights from the comforts of his living room while sipping on some ice cold beverage with buttered popcorn to whet his palate!

Given this sanction from the society as a whole, why do we then blame our leaders for leading us into a battle, when we as a populace have not uttered any word of dissent or disgust?

Here is where I ponder: Where has the religion of humanity gone amidst all the religions and factions that exist today?

'Schadenfreude'

Since times immemorial, the inherent nature of man has been to feel secure, gloat and find happiness in others' misfortune! And now they have a word for that!

One of the most poignant dialogues that I have heard comes from the movie As Good As It Gets, when Melvin Udal the character portrayed by Jack Nicholson exclaims:

".. and that's what makes it hard.

Not that you had it bad but being that pissed that so many had it good."

(This is an approximate version of what I heard in the movie!)

I guess that says it all, doesn't it?

Now for the expected torment that comes along with the other stuff that I have dished out:

Problem of the week!
(Now this one was conjured up as I was writing this piece above, so forgive me if it is not as polished; it is off the top of my head!)

You are an elderly gentleman! You have lived a life of contentment: a happy marriage, a good career, a good reputation, a good bank balance, a good wife, a good son (or daughter) who respects and loves you no end and who is a success in life as well! You are well respected, admired by your peers and have nothing more that you would rather want from life! And you love your son and you are truly proud of him in the good sense!

Everything sounds rosy, huh? Here is the treat:

You somehow, due to some concrete evidence that you stumble upon, find out that your son of 30 or so years is in fact not your own!

Now here are the questions:

1. Would you love your son any less? (Or would it be any different if it were a daughter?)
2.How would your son react when he finds this out? Would you let anybody find this out in the first place?
3. What would your response be to his (or her) reaction?

4. Scenario 1: And for one brief period of foolishness or passion or what you will, say your wife was disloyal or so it seems! You confront your wife, and she admits to one brief physical encounter in her youth, apologizes earnestly for that and yet she professes her undying love and loyalty to you (and you haven't seen or heard anything to suggest otherwise in these 4 or so decades of wedded bliss), how would you react?

5. Scenario 2: Your wife has been loyal and has never cheated, but say there was a mix-up in the nursery where your kid was born and you ended up having the wrong baby and you had no clue for all these 3 or so decades!

a. Would you accept fate and go along with the hand dealt to you?

b. Would you seek out your "real" offspring? And/or sue the medical center (where the baby was born) in the process and open a whole can of worms?

c. Or would you be content in the fact that you have raised someone else's baby as your own, and, that it is only natural to have your true offspring raised by someone else; and hence do nothing to spoil the situation for the true offspring that you have never met? Would you let status quo remain for that offspring and not spoil his ideal family?

There is really no point to this article!

Baz Luhrmann, the Australian moviemaker who gave DiCaprio his first major breakthrough in William Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet puts it very succinctly as he mouthed Mary Schmich's essay "Advice, like youth, probably just wasted on the young" as a thought provoking song aptly titled "Everybody's free to wear sunscreen" to never read beauty magazines for they only make you feel ugly!

(Do listen to this song if you can, it makes a lot of sense! And read the article if you don't follow the accent here!)

Here is the video for the song! And here is the link to watch it on Youtube, if you want to watch it there!

Well, extrapolate that to our discussion: every religion, religious book, self-help book that you might read preaches that their way, their approach to life is the right way, when there is nothing of that sort! We all choose our destinies of our own free will! One can bring the cattle to hay, but one can't chew the cud for them! Similarly, there are a million right paths, it is for us to choose the one that feels right for us and walk on it! We have been given the grand power as one may call it to compare and contrast; it is imperative that we make use of it in first knowing all the paths, comparing the pros and cons of each and choosing the one that suit us the best! Remembering that what might work for one may not necessarily do so for the other!

Which brings me to another similar point: it is inherent human nature to act as guides, as leaders, (as the eternal sunshine illuminating the path for others), to help others find the "bliss" that we have supposedly attained! It is here that we impose our thoughts, and our way of life on others; or to put it more poignantly we impose our religion on others! Convinced that our way of life is the right one and that others not adhering to it are heretics who need to be brought back (through sermons, legislation or force) into the realm of our conceived notion of reality, we act the way we do! And here is where we blur the distinction between faith and religion, assuming that religion or way of living supersedes faith or belief in the Almighty!

It is our innate self-righteousness that sows the seeds of strife in the first place!

Every religion preaches the gospel of love thy neighbor, but how many of us actually follow it? (in the sense that it is meant, of course!) We end up creating these innumerable walls around ourselves for no known reason, and end up worrying our days to the end that someday these walls might collapse; always forgetting the fact that we have always existed even before these walls were made in the first place!

We all tend to consider ourselves better than others in whatever spans the canvas of human activity!

Although we might ostentatiously claim that all men are born equal, the inherent feeling that some men are more equal than others is a universal phenomenon!

It is an inherent flaw in human beings to give a human face to God! Aren't we pompous in assuming that, the creator of all beings has a human form? For that matter, if we go by our beliefs that God created the entire physical world;

1.Are we to assume that if God has to have a human form, only the inhabitants of earth fall in his domain; that there is no possibility of life beyond the confines of our little planet?

2.Or that, if we indeed do accept that there is life beyond this planet, that we humans are the supreme creations of the Almighty and hence it is only natural that we give him a human face in the first place?

Problem of the Week!

Here is an interesting one that came to my mind a few days back!

Consider a filthy rich millionaire starts a family and has a son (or daughter, for that matter!)! Ever since childhood this boy is kept unaware of his father's fortunes! He pretends to be a blue-collared everyday man earning just about to maintain a family. The boy is brought up in an average working class neighborhood like any other ordinary boy, with very limited allowances and luxuries, as can be afforded in everyday sense, in that income bracket! The kid is put through the same tests and trials of everyday life! He is sent off to a boarding school where he makes it through on his merit and not riding his father's pocketbook! He clears school, gets into a prestigious college again, on his merit! 26 years since his birth, the kid returns home a strapping lad, educated, qualified and successful, a man of his own making!

And it is now that his father breaks the news to him that he is, after all, rich as they come and gives him his due share of inheritance!

Now, the questions:

1.What would be the consequence of this scenario?

2.What would be the reaction of the son in this scenario? Would he be (a) happy and grateful, (b) angry and betrayed?

3.What would be the reaction of the father be to the reaction of his son?

4.Would there be a difference had it been a daughter in this case and not a son?

I don't know how to write a blog!

So they tell me blogging is in! It is one way to get your voice heard when it is drowned out in a background of pervasive noise! Or to put it in simpler terms, it is your ticket to your own 15 minutes of fame! Why, they have begun promoting blogging in the media, in print journalism, even blogging websites would rather that you blog! They have brought it to your palms on your mobile phones, "Mobile Blogging" if you will!

But how does it really matter anyway? Does a good blog really make a difference? Can you really affect somebody's life, even if it is, just for a moment, a moment that they might take out of their daily mechanical lives to read what you have to say; to lend an ear to your thoughts!

I don't know! You tell me!

Opinions have always found a mouthpiece one way or another! Don't get me wrong when I say that more than half of the world is opinionated, the rest are indifferent to begin with! But why don't 3 billion voices make a difference, then? Why is it that we still continue to cling to our eternal demons then?

Well, let us just say that albeit half of mankind is opinionated, we are too afraid to make our voices heard fearing retribution in one form or the other!

And then there are those who speak aloud just to invite retribution in one form or other; for in chaos and disarray they thrive! Great that such voices fall on deaf ears most of the time or else we would miss the moments of peace in this eternal continuum of strife!

You are still reading this? I told you I don't know how to write a blog! But if you have stuck around and suffered all this while, might as well see it through, huh!

Freedom of speech is a cliche' to begin with! For the very idea of freedom is very limited! There can be never be a truly neutral voice to begin with! Any opinion expressed has its share of detractors and acceptors! There will always be someone whose sentiments you might hurt when you are expressing something, however impartial, logical and "politically correct" you might try to be! So is one really free to do that in terms of free speech? If you have got the courage and conviction to stand by your view (or simply, if you've the balls to pull it off!)

But it is an oft repeated saying: Your right to stretch your arm stops where the tip of my nose begins!

Does democracy imply freedom of speech? To most people it does! But let us not forget the awful truth that a single sane view might be lost if the majority are insane! For like it or not, that is the inherent core of democracy, that the majority, however mistaken they are in the end, have it their way one way or another!

Nicholas Copernicus was burnt alive on a stake, because the majority "knew" that the universe revolved around the earth; the great Galileo Galilei was excommunicated when his peers in the "scientific community" felt that his heliocentric universe conflicted with their "accepted common view" of a geocentric world!

So much for democracy, huh? Well, we cannot make democracy a scapegoat for our own inertia! But, if there is a poll to choose the best between an army of fools, whom can you pick? (Me, I guess!) At least, you get the power to make that choice, however insignificant that choice might be!

Einstein once said: Common sense is nothing more than a deposit of prejudices laid down by the mind before you reach eighteen! Democracy and free speech have always fallen prey to common sense. (Hey! You have psephologists to analyze the impact of this common sense on democracy!) So think again, before you make a judgment call based on this ever accepted common sense!

So, I guess, no check that, I know based (on common sense) that this blog as it is would not fetch me a great readership (God knows I might turn out to be the only reader every week!), but at least it gives me a medium to vent my steam! And that is one benefit of democracy, I am willing to experiment with! Although I haven't an iota of a clue as to what the content matter is going to be! It should rattle your gray matter though, one way or another!

[And before you go booing this piece, let me highlight the fact that I am doing so even as I write this! So I guess, I beat you to this one!]

So you are still reading? I admire your powers of tolerance!

Here is adding to your predicament:

Problem of the Week!

(Now this one is for doctors like me, Sorry! But have a shot anyway!)

When confronted with a patient with a mysterious illness that no one, not even your famous seniors are able to get a clue of; say, due to some sudden stroke of genius, you are able to diagnose it correctly and it is confirmed by your peers and "the lab"! (Wait, here is the treat!) You find out that the strange illness that you Sherlock Holme'd is terminal and that there is pretty much nothing you or any one in the medical fraternity can do about it!

At the end of the day,

do you pat yourself on the back for your deeds, for beating your peers and solving that mystery

or,

do you wish that your hitherto improbable but fatal diagnosis, for the patient's sake, wasn't true in the first place?

Endgame: So does that convince you that I don't know how to write a blog!